Supply job, will immediately find (very) local applicant to suit.

Primary duty must be "sitting on ass". (Applicant has no other discernable ability.)
Required pay six figures, minimum.

Required skills:
- Lack of discipline.
- No desire to please others.
- Healthy disrespect for family and loved ones.
- Extreme selfishness.
- Short attention span.
- Disorganization.
- No ability to remember even the simplest instructions.
- Lack of intelligence, or compensating high levels in all preceding categories.

Ability to fail at even NOT having a job will be considered a bonus.

No self-starters or highly motivated individuals need apply.

EOE

Leave a comment and I'll assign you a letter. List ten of your favorite songs that begin with that letter in your journal. laurel714 gave me an H!

1. The Doors - Hello, I Love You How many girls actually fall for this? Few and far between, I'd wager...

2. Neil Young - Hey Hey, My My Cuz rock and roll will never die.

3. Air Supply - Here I Am The one that you love. C'mon, admit it.

4. The Animals - House of the Rising Sun It's been the ruin of many a poor boy, and God I know I'm one...

5. Pink Floyd - Have a Cigar The band is just fantastic, that is really what I think - oh, by the way, which one's Pink?

6. Hootie and the Blowfish - Hold my Hand Cuz Hootie rules, dammit.

7. Helloween - Halloween Up there with the all-time greatest metal epics. EVAR.

8. The Beatles - Hey Jude One of the all-time great songs. Na na na - nana na naaaaaaaa... nana na naaaaaaaa...

9. Elvis Presley - Heartbreak Hotel Make a left turn onto Lonely Street and follow it to the end, and it's right there.

10. The Eagles - Hotel California You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave...imagine the tab these people must accumulate. Another all-time great song.

And of course, we must also mention the AC/DC "Hell" Trilogy:

Highway to Hell - aren't we all on it, if you get all technical about it?
Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be - but once you get there, I hear it's not so bad...
Hells Bells - ...so we should all haul back our friends (willing or not) to join the party!

HAWAII, BITCHES!

Put your media player on shuffle
click play.
and fill out the questions below

1.
song: Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird
any special meaning to you: Yes
any memories: Yes - college road trip to Vanderbilt was the first time I heard audience members call for the song at a performance
who would you dedicate it to: Myself - not the leaving part, but the stubborn part ;)
who do you think would dedicate it to YOU: Nobody, I'd guess
are you a fan of the artist: Really love some songs (this one in particular), others not so much

2.
song: Soft Cell - Tainted Love
favorite lyric: take my tears and that's not nearly all
which genre would you put it in: pop (back in the day)
which feeling does it portray: bitterness, resolve
is it sung by a girl or boy: boy
favorite song by that artist: this is the only one I know (their only popular one)

3.
song: Louis Armstrong - When the Saints Go Marching In
which number is it on your playlist: 519
does it have any swears in it: 'course not, it's about fucking saints, goddammit!
which country is the artist from: U.S.A.
would you recommend the song: Yes!

4.
song: Kenny Rogers - Lucille
does the title relate to the lyrics: Name of one of the 'characters' in the story
who should listen to it: People who want to hear a song with a story to it; Manic-depressives? This website and author takes no responsibility for any actions taken as a result of listening to this song, whether lethal or otherwise.
does it describe your current emotion: um. no.
how did you find out the artist: On the radio when I was a kid

5.
song: Ricky Martin - Livin' La Vida Loca
does it make you sad: hellllll to da no
do your friends listen to it: I think some people got burned out on it in the initial barrage
how old is the song: 1999
what mood does it generate: bounce-off-the-walls
would you listen to it all the way through: but of course

6.
song: New Found Glory - My Heart Will Go On
which genre would you put it in: Rock
any special meaning to you: does glee in hearing Celine Dion butchered count?
does your mom like it: I doubt it
which album is it from: From The Screen to Your Stereo

7.
song: Johnny Cash - One [ala U2]
who do you think would dedicate it to YOU: Nobody
does it bring up any memories: No
do you sing along to it: Yes
does it describe your life at this moment: No
did it ever?: Not really

8.
song: Sublime - Caress Me Down
favorite song by the artist: Santeria
which genre would it be: Ska
how old is the song: 1996
is it well known or no: Not so much

9.
song: John Cougar Mellencamp - Small Town
is it sung by a girl or boy: boy
how many times have you listened to it before: a damn lot
how long have you had it on your playlist: long time
which number is it on the playlist: 60
does it bring up any memories: Listening in my old room in my mom and dad's basement

10.
song: Echo and the Bunnymen - Lips Like Sugar
similar to which other song: sounds kinda like Depeche Mode - People are People
who would you dedicate it to: Nobody
what emotion is the song about: Love (in kind of an illusory sense)
is it hard to sing vocally: no
do you like it: yes

Somehow [it's quite simple, really] you have to believe concurrently that:
( REAL answers in bold )

A traveler in the Himalayas came upon a great gathering of holy men and philosophers, representing all aspects of belief and including one aged guru reputed to have achieved Nirvana by subsisting entirely on a diet of asparagus.

The traveler was astonished when, in a sudden mountain shower, all the participants in this conclave were drenched except the asparagus-eater.

"This is not incredible", explained the traveler's guide. "Bliss is the awning of the sage of asparagus."

I edited in the answers to the quiz-style one, if anyone's interested...
That will be all.

10 Songs Meme: Ask for a letter and I will give you one. Take that letter and come up with ten songs you like that begin with that letter, and explain why you picked each title.


printemps gave me a P:

1. Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) - The Offspring I like to think I am, but alas, the truth and the perception are often so different...

2. Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe Come on KG, I said kick it with a tasty groove!

3. Piece of My Heart - Janis Joplin Passive-aggressive much?

4. Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode I wonder if girls named Faith have guys reach out and touch them all the time? Johnny Cash actually does a downright disturbing version of this too, on one of his fixin-to-die albums where somehow no matter what the song is about, it's about death now.

5. Purple Rain - Prince Cuz it just fucking rox. Plus, I read somewhere that the recording of the song was not only done live, it was done live the first time they ever played the tune in public. How's that for lightning in a bottle?

6. Pop Song 89 - REM I can certainly identify with: "Hello! How are you? I know you - I knew you - I think I can remember your name." Memory's the first thing to go, they say.

7. Point of View - Disneyland After Dark (D.A.D.) "Cause I'd like to share your point of view, just as long as it's my view too. I'd never win in a compromise, I'd rather lose on my own, cause I feel kinda good when I'm all alone." Plus, they get bonus points for being Danish.
Homer: "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Danish...."

8. Pink Houses - John Cougar Mellencamp Ain't that America? Well, ain't it?

9. Particle Man - They Might Be Giants 'Cause Triangle Man is such a hater.

10. Pepper - Butthole Surfers "Cinnamon and sugary and softly spoken lies, you never know just how you look through other people's eyes." Pretty Fly...maybe?

Honorable Mention: Polkas on 45 - Weird Al Yankovic It's not really a song of its own, but I love the polka medley thing, especially the transitions. Like the standard polka: "Hey! Hey! Hey!...Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better"...

10 Songs Meme: Ask for a letter and I will give you one. Take that letter and come up with ten songs you like that begin with that letter, and explain why you picked each title.


laurel714 gave me a B:

1. Big Balls - AC/DC Cuz it's not quite what you'd think...but sorta is at the time time. e.g.: "I always fill my ballroom, the event is never small, the social pages say I've got the biggest balls of all".

2. Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction Barking dogs make a classic intro.

3. Brick House - The Commodores Shake yer booty, man.

4. Behind the Sun - Red Hot Chili Peppers Ooooooooooooh, you so naughtyyyyyy...and hey, talking dolphins!

5. Basketcase - Green Day Ah, the plight of the classic whiner.

6. Box Full of Letters - Wilco "Cause I just can't find the time to write my mind the way I want it to read."

7. Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden Who says the end of the world is so bad?

8. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen Um, well, just because it has to be in the top 10 of all time, or something like that. No reason, really.

9. Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order It's got a really good beat and I can dance to it - I'll give it a 94, Dick.

10. Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival And by the way, the end is coming soon! Repent! Repent! (Well, either that or go all anarchist and do whatever you want - "Look Ma, no consequences!")

And with bonus points for extra B's:
Baby Blue - Badfinger What a great song, man.
Big Bottom - Spinal Tap "Big Bottom drive me out of my mind, how could I leave this behind?" Hey Beavis, come here so I can kick your ass.
Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones 2 B or not 2 B, that was the question...
Build Me Up Buttercup - Save Ferris I dig those songs where they punk-ify old cheezy songs ala New Found Glory or Me First and the Gimme Gimmes.
Boom Boom - John Lee Hooker The version with Big Head Todd rocks out loud.
Blue Bayou - Roy Orbison Another one with more good versions (like Linda Ronstadt's)

1. Open your playlist and put it on shuffle.
2. Post two lines from the first 15 songs that come up. They don't have to be the first two lines; they can be any that you want (although I'd avoid any that contain the title ;) ).
3. People try to guess the title AND artist of each song (no cheating!) by leaving a comment on the entry.
4. When someone gets the correct answer, strike through the lyrics on your original entry and put the answer in bold, as well as the name of the first person who guessed correctly.
(looks like I get to learn how to do strikethrough and bold...hmmm...)
5. After a few days, I'll give the correct titles and artists to the songs no one guessed.

The lyrics:
1. Her lovers queued up in the hallway/I heard them scratching at the door/I tried to tell her about Marx and Engels, God and angels/I don't really know what for/but she looked good in ribbons Sisters of Mercy - Ribbons

2. ‘Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time/So I told them if it pops up to let me know King Missile - Detachable Penis

3. It’s bound to be a better ride/than what you’ve got planned Bangles [covering Simon & Garfunkel] - Hazy Shade of Winter bangping

4. I shoulda closed my eyes when you drove me to the place/where your horses run free Prince - Little Red Corvette laurel714

5. Don’t fight your feelings/give yourself a chance KC and the Sunshine Band - Shake Your Booty (This was a really hard one - there's only like 2 lines to the song other than "shake, shake shake, shake your booty, shake your booty" - hard to make and harder to guess)

6. We take all kind of pills to give us all kind of thrills/But the thrill we've never known/Is the thrill that'll getcha when you get your picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone Dr. Hook - Cover of the Rolling Stone

7. And all I ask of you, my dear/is maybe you would reconsider all the love we’ve missed since you’ve been gone Susan Tedeschi - Alone

8. Some of us hover when we weep for the other/who was dying since the day they were born Lisa Loeb - Stay bangping

9. It’s that shit stuck under my shoe/It’s that smell inside the van Sublime - Garden Grove

10. I got bitches in the living room gettin’ it on/and they ain’t leavin’ til 6 in the mornin’ The Gourds [covering Snoop Dogg] - Gin and Juice

11. Take these chances/Place them in a box until a quieter time Dave Matthews Band - Ants Marching laurel714

12. I want hold the hand inside you/I want to take a breath that’s true Mazzy Star - Fade Into You laurel714

13. I saw a treehouse on the outskirts of the farm/The power lines have floaters so the airplanes won’t get snagged R.E.M. - Driver 8 Surprised no one got this one - I think. Not a whole lot of melody to work with.

14. I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison/and I went to pick her up in the rain David Allan Coe - You Never Even Call Me By My Name bangping

15. Well I met you in the middle of a barroom fight in a cheap motel on the Missouri side/I had you out in my car in the parking lot BR549 - Too Lazy to Work, Too Nervous to Steal My theme song :) A tad obscure to be in the quiz, but I couldn't resist...

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie.

( Read more... )

EAGLE or HAWK - your daemon may be some kind of
bird of prey. Yours is a strong spirit, and a
fierce sense of liberty. You cannot be
confined. You may be shrewdly observant, and
like to be aware of everything that goes on
around you. You will fight fiercely for the
things that are most important to you, and you
are definitely a force to be reckoned with.
Still, you are not vicious by nature and would
prefer to be left in peace. You probably value
your solitude very highly - not that you don't
enjoy company, but sometimes you just need to
be alone - otherwise you begin to feel caged in
and confined. You might want to take a drive on
your own, just to feel the road beneath you, or
to sit alone on your balcony, watching the
world go by.


What Is Your Daemon?
brought to you by Quizilla

Two names you go by:
1. Tim
2. Smelly Bastard

Two parts of your heritage:
1. Dutch
2. Native American (and for the rest, hellifiknow)

Two things that scare you:
1. The Utility Room
2. George W. Bush

Two everyday essentials:
1. Music (otherwise I'll be stuck with what's in my head until the end of time)
2. K

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. Boxers
2. Goatee

Two of your favorite bands or musical artists:
1. Sublime
2. Uncle Tupelo

Two things you want in a relationship:
1. Unconditional Love
2. Relaxation

Two truths:
1. Any employee will always continue to be promoted until they achieve complete incompetence.
2. Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get.

Two things you hate:
1. My wife's boss
2. Guys who mistreat women

Two physical things that appeal to you:
1. Cuddling up against my wife
2. Carbonation

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Hang out and do nothing in particular
2. Fish (of course)

Two things you want really badly:
1. A Maid that I don't have to pay
2. A new boss for my wife

Two places you want to go on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Alaska

Two things you want to do before you die:
1. Write the great american novel
2. Travel as a lifestyle

Two people I would like to see take this quiz:
1. Dil3mma
2. Tff

Two people I haven't talked to in a while:
1. Johnny
2. Tony